![]() Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, however, is. ![]() Not everything in the Western World is based on some crass marketing campaign. Some of you are disappointed that we explained Santa without mentioning that the modern image of him was invented for a Coca-Cola ad, as the Internet has probably told you. Not that there's anything wrong with frolicking little people with a propensity for wearing elf garb, of course. The little person might just end up with a bullet in the head. Perhaps the image of a dwarf-sized intruder seemed less threatening than a Chris Farley-sized version, but we're pretty sure we'd be more likely to piss our pants if an overly jolly costumed dwarf magically appeared and started hopping around our living room floor. Writers at the time were still calling Santa an "elf," including Clement Clark Moore in his famous poem The Night Before Christmas. Then again, it appears everyday is Saturnalia in Vegas so maybe we'll just go there instead. We only wish the public nudity could have been left in. One other pagan celebration that might have given Christmas its date was Natalis Solis Invincti, which roughly translates to "Birthday of the Invincible Sun God," giving it officially the most awesome holiday name ever.īy the 12th century, the Christian Church had incorporated a few of the less-sinful pagan traditions into the 12 days of Christmas. Master: "Saturnalia is over! Give me back my hat! How dare you put a hat on your slave head! YOU SHALL TASTE THE WHIP TONIGHT, BOY. ![]() Slave: "Thank you, master!" (puts on hat and primps in the mirror) Master: "Happy Saturnalia! Here's your freedom hat! We're equals!" Google Image Search result for "Freedom Hat" ![]() The Romans would also switch roles between masters and slaves for the occasion, so not only did the slaves get to pathetically lower their own sense of self-worth by participating in the charade of freedom, they also got to wear a Pileus (roughly translated, "Freedom Hat"). ![]()
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